Simply perfect holidays are simple, but not necessarily perfect

MACON, Mo. – It’s the most wonderful time of the year. That’s what the perfectly coiffed shoppers and cookie bakers on television say about the holiday season.

But what if you’re stressed, tired and overwhelmed? That means you’re probably normal, says Jeremiah Terrell, University of Missouri Extension human development and family studies specialist.

In a word, simplify. Everything doesn’t have to be perfect.

As the days wind down to holiday gatherings, be kind to yourself. Your presence is the present. The gift of shared time is what lingers long after the trash collector has hauled away the crumpled wrapping paper and boxes.

Set realistic expectations, Terrell says. Your house doesn’t have to be the perfect winter wonderland. No one will notice if you serve three desserts instead of four this year.

They will remember that you spent all of your time in the kitchen and didn’t get to visit with family and friends.

Don’t be afraid to delegate. Ask someone else to pick up the ice and paper supplies. ‘Tis the season for carry-ins. Let family and friends share their culinary skills and favorite recipes to add fun and variety to your meal.

Don’t pressure yourself looking for the perfect gift. Ask people on your list what they want. Have family members, especially ones you don’t see often, register their wish lists on an online shopping service.

Set aside differences for one day. Holidays are tense because of time, finances and family dynamics. Keep any family disagreements out of earshot of younger family members. “Children are in tune to adults,” Terrell said. “They are able to pick up on the tension in the room.”

Lessen anxiety by reducing uncertainty. Some people like the element of surprise; others do not.

Establish boundaries for in-laws well in advance of the holidays, Terrell says. Newlyweds set the stage for future holidays on their first holiday as a couple.

Terrell also recommends that you allow enough time for travel and rest. Consider that you might be sleeping in a hotel or guest bed that doesn’t allow you to rest as well as you might at home.

Before you leave on a long car trip with children, talk about rules of the road and how long it will take to get there. Pack toys, and books or audio books as age indicates. “They can get lost in a story as they are going down the road,” Terrell says. Plan trips around naptime if possible.

Grab time for yourself. Schedule downtime between events. Don’t skip hobbies such as exercise or reading the morning newspaper during the holidays.

Create a new tradition this year by enjoying the gift of time with friends and family, Terrell says. In years to come, you’ll remember the fun you had rather than how perfect Aunt Gert’s fruitcake was.