From the time I was born, my parents continually stressed the importance of telling the truth. 

As it is with any child, I sometimes told a lie in order to avoid taking the responsibility for doing something wrong. When I was caught in that lie, my father would carry out justice quickly…and harshly…with a leather belt or a switch cut from the nearest tree. By the time I was a teenager, whenever I told an untruth to anyone, regardless of whether I got caught or not, I would have the tendency to rub my rear end, to ease the “phantom” pain. Evidently, those lessons last a lifetime.

I try to tag all of my newborn calves with a numbered ear tag at birth. Since they are all the same color, it makes it much easier to identify sick ones that may need a shot or special care and allow me to check up on them the next few days. As an added benefit, I put the tag in the right ear of bull calves and the left ear of heifers just to make it easier to sort them at sale time. 

A couple of months ago, while driving through the herd, I noticed a mistake. Number 53 was tagged in the right ear, but he was obviously a she. I had screwed up. Normally, this error could be corrected the next time the little dogie wandered into the corral and I could run her into the chute and remove and replace the tag, but the cowboys were to arrive the next morning to work all of my spring calves.

For those of you who have never worked with real cowboys, you need to understand that the grief and ridicule one receives from these hard-working pranksters when you mess up, is both severe and unrelenting. Triple that amount of guff, when the owner has three degrees in agriculture, is a former professor and has judged hundreds of cattle shows in his lifetime. What to do?

The cowboys were there at daybreak, ready to round up my cattle and run them all through the chute, to vaccinate, de-worm, castrate and brand. Everything went without a hitch through the first two farms. As a matter of fact, it had rarely gone as smoothly, with them even complimenting me on having almost all of the calves tagged. Then, we came to the third bunch, which would be the last group to work, right before lunch time, where Judy would have her usual big spread of a delicious meal.

We ran the cows through first, followed by the heifer calves, and lastly, the bull calves. As luck would have it, the very last calf was number 53. 

“Whoa!” Ron yelled out. “What’s going on here?” 

All the cowboys gathered ‘round, as Ron, with his knife held in his mouth, began. “Jerry, this bull has no testicles!”

“There’s a perfectly good explanation,” I began. “I took Judy with me one morning and she begged me to let her tag a newborn, so I did. You guys know she has trouble with left and right.”

To them, that description seemed plausible, so after the heifer was worked and re-tagged in the correct ear, we all walked toward the house for lunch.

“You know,” I added, “I wouldn’t say anything to Judy about her mistake, if you want to eat what she has prepared.”

Since cowboys always want to eat and never make fun of a lady, anyway, nothing was said. But for some reason, I kept rubbing my butt, all the way to the house.

Jerry Crownover farms in Lawrence County. He is a former professor of Agriculture Education at Missouri State University, and is an author and professional speaker. To contact Jerry, go to ozarksfn.com and click on ‘Contact Us.’

Jerry CrownoverEditorial / OpinionsFibs,Jerry Crownover,phantom pain,telling the truthFrom the time I was born, my parents continually stressed the importance of telling the truth. As it is with any child, I sometimes told a lie in order to avoid taking the responsibility for doing something wrong. When I was caught in that lie, my father would carry out...The Ozarks' most read farm newspaper, reaching more than 58,000 readers in Missouri, Arkansas and Oklahoma